On the usual bus ride home I look out the window, sometimes down at the ground. The roads are narrowed first by the tall snow banks, and then by a crust of ice lining them, like the crunchy overcoat of a creme brulee. But today, when my eyes fell to the pavement, I saw snakes of water slithering under the frosted layer. It is March of my junior year, and I feel like I am at the top of a rollercoaster. The heights are peaceful, but I can see the steep slope below and it frightens me. I am suspended, waiting for gravity to take hold and drag me towards adulthood. I think what I like a lot about winter is that it not only freezes the air for me, but also time. The snow is so light that it falls slowly, lengthening seconds. The stillness simulates a state of life that I wish was reality. Heaven must feel a little bit like winter.
Yesterday my school counselor asked me what college I wanted to go to, and he looked at me expectantly. Ice breaks in many ways.
I’m on the edge of something. A brink. In AP Language and Composition we learned about liminality, and the 19th century obsession with it. I find little comfort in the liminality between winter and spring. It only increases my anxiety. Therefore I’m making two bulleted lists to try and calm myself down. Of course it will only address nature stuff because I am currently terrified about everything else happening in my life (laughs).
What I don’t like about winter leaving
- No more pristine, smooth snow banks
- Before spring, the world turns to disgusting brown slush
- No more eerily-beautiful pale washed-out skies
- BUGS ARE GONNA COME BACK
- No more smoky breath
- Muggy, swampy weather
- Depressing period before trees regrow leaves
- No more sparkling, beautiful snow
Things to look forward to, now that winter is leaving
- Studying outside
- Birds singing again
- Feeling the sun touch your skin
- Flowers! God bless em!
- Not being terrified of huge icicles
- Not being embarrassed by slipping on ice
- Parents less stressed out by driving
- More hanging-out with friends
- Wearing cute outfits. Skirts!
- The way spring smells???
- Summer thunder storms!!
- The sound of rain!!!
Another post about winter & spring (which is, now that I think of it, the exact opposite of this post)