An Affinity for Nostalgia

Relatable tumblr posts about missing people/places/things.  

love sleeping

I just finished my first week of senior year.  And, yeah, I’m usually not ecstatic to wake up early to start another ten months of academia, but I have a new and oppressive sense of grief: I am absolutely miserable at school right now.

There are a lot of things I can blame, but I think most of the sadness derives from something I can’t physically point my finger at — the school feels like a sarcophagus, a husk that holds something that used to be alive and glowing.  Basically, I miss too many things from last year to enjoy school in its present state.

Everything yields something I miss.  I miss hearing Kristi’s strong strokes of bow leading the viola section.  I miss my whispering and snickering corner of the Biology room.  I miss having my two friends (now happily dating) as separate entities.  I miss the laidback atmosphere of my Language and Composition class.  Yes, I miss the old senior boys.  Even when I spotted last year’s Creative Writing teacher Mr. Steele in the English office and he asked, “Are you behaving yourself?” I could only miss him and his sage lectures, acutely, even though he was right in front of me.
miss yourself

And of course, there’s also that fear of graduation, of passing into a new life.  I think in some ways, I am already missing the girl I am, because I can feel myself passing into adulthood, morphing into that role.

Why on earth would I want to be anything other than seventeen?

~

I feel like perhaps the predominant emotion of my life has been missing things.  In chronological order: I’ve missed lost toys, my preschool, grilled cheese and milkshakes, Ohio, crushes, summer camp, past selves.  I’ve always been swimming in nostalgia.  I think for all of my joy and delight, my overall happiness is compensated by an acute nostalgia for everything I have ever loved.  I hold on, too long and too tightly.  I’m working on it.

Whenever I’m in a valley, I always fear, “What if I’m sad forever?”  I must remember that that is not realistic.

you are going to miss people

Thanks for reading.

-M.L.

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One thought on “An Affinity for Nostalgia

  1. Priyanka says:

    “I think for all of my joy and delight, my overall happiness is compensated by an acute nostalgia for everything I have ever loved. I hold on, too long and too tightly.”

    you have no idea how much this applies to me, too. Don’t feel like this is just you, because I’ve been feeling the same way for a few months now and it feels reassuring to know somebody else does too. ❤

    -Priyanka

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