Relatable tumblr posts about missing people/places/things.
I just finished my first week of senior year. And, yeah, I’m usually not ecstatic to wake up early to start another ten months of academia, but I have a new and oppressive sense of grief: I am absolutely miserable at school right now.
There are a lot of things I can blame, but I think most of the sadness derives from something I can’t physically point my finger at — the school feels like a sarcophagus, a husk that holds something that used to be alive and glowing. Basically, I miss too many things from last year to enjoy school in its present state.
Everything yields something I miss. I miss hearing Kristi’s strong strokes of bow leading the viola section. I miss my whispering and snickering corner of the Biology room. I miss having my two friends (now happily dating) as separate entities. I miss the laidback atmosphere of my Language and Composition class. Yes, I miss the old senior boys. Even when I spotted last year’s Creative Writing teacher Mr. Steele in the English office and he asked, “Are you behaving yourself?” I could only miss him and his sage lectures, acutely, even though he was right in front of me.
And of course, there’s also that fear of graduation, of passing into a new life. I think in some ways, I am already missing the girl I am, because I can feel myself passing into adulthood, morphing into that role.
Why on earth would I want to be anything other than seventeen?
I feel like perhaps the predominant emotion of my life has been missing things. In chronological order: I’ve missed lost toys, my preschool, grilled cheese and milkshakes, Ohio, crushes, summer camp, past selves. I’ve always been swimming in nostalgia. I think for all of my joy and delight, my overall happiness is compensated by an acute nostalgia for everything I have ever loved. I hold on, too long and too tightly. I’m working on it.
Whenever I’m in a valley, I always fear, “What if I’m sad forever?” I must remember that that is not realistic.
Thanks for reading.