The Call to Solitude

The other day I was doing what I’ve been doing for the past three months :  sitting with a group of friends in idle conversation before bedtime.  I didn’t have much to say, and I didn’t have the energy to generate something to add.  Sometimes, when I’m feeling down, I huddle myself in the distracting warmth of their conversation.  But that day, I didn’t feel comforted — just tired and kinda awkward.

My inner introvert has been calling me recently.  At the beginning of college, I pushed myself to be more social, shedding the coat of solitude that insulates me.  For a while, I forgot that I was introvert :  I was always hungry for another party, another conversation, another friend.   I kept myself up late with pal shenanigans and kept myself surrounded with good people and discussions.  Solitude felt lonely, not recuperative.

But for the first time in a while, I’m craving seclusion again.  I can tell because I keep envisioning “fun plans” of me doing stuff completely alone.  

Like :  Noah mentioned studying in Center City coffeeshops, and I relished the idea of sipping a warm latte at a single’s table — a nameless face in the mauve blur of a cafe.

Like :  Paul expressed his love of biking, and I made it my goal to hop on an Indego bike and have a solo adventure along the Schuylkill river.  I am wistful of going out, by myself, to contemplate and sit for a while.

That night, I didn’t go to a coffeeshop, but I made do with the fourth-floor fire-escape of my dorm.  Wrapped in a blanket and gazing at the scattered glowing eyes of the nearby Sheraton, the pulsing lights of the city, the gilded leaves.  I forgot how interesting silence sounds.  Amid the hum of a generator, the passing cars sound like leafy breaths of wind.  I absorb the peace.   Silence fills me like water fills a pitcher.

My inner introvert has been calling me recently and — after my new college friendships have grown and solidified — I reunite with her with a sigh of relief.  I blissfully feel like myself.



8 thoughts on “The Call to Solitude

  1. childofcynicism says:

    I love your blog-you’re so honest and easy to relate to. I feel pretty much the same way as you do socially :). Being alone is 100% fine! There’s nothing wrong with that, especially as you also have friends to go to if you need them. Keep writing, this blog is a little gem 🙂 x

    • mich1202 says:

      I love some quality alone-time. It’s just that with the beginning of college, I really wanted to make a good impression on my peers. But now I feel comfortable to kick back to my introverted ways 🙂

      Thank you for checking out my blog, I’m so touched! I’m glad that we’re both following each other now 🙂

      • childofcynicism says:

        That’s okay! That’s often when creativity happens. Me too, I love having followers that aren’t just “numbers”, but ones you can also take the time to talk to on an individual level 🙂

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