You knew I would jump on this. Buckle the fuck up for some scathing #exposure.
The other day I peacefully tap my Facebook Messenger app, to check the banter in my group chats, to see if anyone sent me a funny meme or something — and I find this shit on the top banner:
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” I said, after a full minute of non-blinking and silent screaming. “Facebook has joined Instagram on the ‘copy Snapchat’ bandwagon.”
Indeed, remember my rant when “Instagram Stories” just became a thing? In a nutshell, Instagram added a new feature that basically carbon-copied Snapchat, which I called them out for, and I explained why I think Instagram’s purpose — constructing a superficial reality of your life one filter at a time — was incompatible with Snapchat’s format, which is more earthy and personal.
Facebook, what do you have to say for yourself? I guess you were feeling salty that my boi Evan Spiegel turned down your $3 billion like it was nothing, and so…you cope by trying to plagiarize Snapchat on, not one, but TWO of your social media apps? Do you think this will actually threaten and compete with Snapchat? Do you think that it’s not at all confusing that two of your apps now have basically the same “temporary photo-sharing” feature? Do you think that we can’t see through this?
If you’ve come here for another eloquent rant, I’m sorry to say I don’t have one. Partly because this is basically a deja-vu event of “Instagram Stories” — and I would hate to repeat myself. But also because…well, I’m sorry to say that I’ve been proven wrong. I thought that nothing could be stupider than “Instagram Stories.” But alas — Messenger’s “Day“(????even the name????) is, indeed, stupider. Like, I literally do not see the point of “Day.” Last time, I had at least conceded that Instagram Stories could be convenient for celebrities to use. But Facebook Messenger? There are certainly no celebrities casually hitting up groupies on fucking Facebook Messenger. The point of this new feature actually escapes me, actually confuses me.
I’m going to put brainpower into this opaque problem. I mean…I guess…since a lot of older people, who haven’t jumped onto Snapchat culture yet, use Facebook…this format might be novel to them? And they might actually start using it?
I can see it now. My middle-aged aunties and uncles, posting pictures of their newly-built deck, the line at the bank that morning, the obsessive fawning-over of offspring. I can see a mother exclaiming to her teenage daughter: “Look, honey, Facebook got this cool new feature where you can post a photo of your day…and it just disappears! After a day! Isn’t that such a good idea?” and the teenager is just rolling her eyes to the stratosphere.
Well, jokes on you, Facebook, because this age bracket you’re possibly targeting hasn’t even figured out how to download the Messenger app yet, and still accesses Facebook through mobile Safari.
(I jest, my older readers).
In the meantime: